Breaking up..

God! im feeling soo miserable...
i kno not only im at fault for writing in after soooo many days... months... dunno....
i also feel sooo bad about myself... well... i still think i didnt do nething wrong.. its about me meeting sme1... soo good... he loved me..:O i know hard to believe..:( nd then i went ahead and broke up with him.... i broke up with him... even though im pretty sure his feelings for me r true...
my reason? i dnt love him...
more over i feel like i'd do smething wrong... like agaisnt the law of nature if i go around with ne guy.. i just feel ki mein mom dad ko betray karungi is sab se...:(

and still i feel bad... like he changed his tagline on orkut... as if he is colin me a hypocrite.. he says he doesnt miss me.. he misses who he thot i am..:(
i dunno y i want him to be understanding... nd dunno.. what i want.. i just want him to understand my side of the story.

but the truth is.. he cant.. like when i was in love with sme1 nd tht fool :D didnt love me bak.. i was miserable... yea i kno hard to believe the feminist was in love.. lols.. neway i was miserable.. and smetimes i till am.. similarly with him... its just unlike my love... i want him to get all right... i wish i felt the same way for him... or better yet i didnt feel wrong in the thing abt me with ne guy at all... like if i cud afford to hv a bf.. then i'd never leave him... but i jus dnt think i can afford a relationship...:(
nd seeing all the other ppl so happy with there bf's gf's makes me soooo jealous...

what am i to do..?:(:(

Trivial Matters.....

Its abt some thing... a guy and a girl being in a relation ship... a cyber relation ship keeping in mind dat dey often talked on phone.... the guy was a known flirt.. the girl was the the plain jane type... with high dreams and aspirations and she really was the ideal girl for ne guy.. her fault was dat she wanted to be loved... but she knew this age is not for being loved.... but she couldnt help her feelings... and when she was proposed by the guy.. a shock to her... she couldnt say no... but the problem was even though she had no feelings for him.. she was still in love with her high school crush... she still got attached to him... and mostly spent all there conversation talking about him and well all the trivial things.. she felt ignored and finally wen she got to kno he was not serious she just broke up... coz she feared getting more attached to him then she already was...
this was not the ideal relation ship... the most aweful thing to be termed as a relationship...
u may ask me what i want to make out of this...
seriously i have no clue...
was just thinking is this what time pass is???
i wont mention who this girl is.. she is ofcourse on of my accquaintances... but her bad experience just made me even more stubborn in thinking ki i woudlnt want nethin to do with ne guy....
its scary....

Taking someone for granted

i Dnt Get it y people hav to be soooo mean.... in time i hav seen dat ppl often ask for help nd advice and what not but in the end u r left alone with no1 left to go to...
i felt exacty like dat today wen suddenly i felt soooo away frm the real world... i kno its the way i hav made myself... always giving advices to ppl who cudnt care less abt me.. i remembr this phone conversation wid a frnd who kept asking for ma advice... nd i dnt kno wen i mentioned my problem..all i got was oh i dnt kno nd bak in focus his problem...
i dont get it....
y do ppl take advantage of others nd mostly dnt evn recognise wat they r doin...
so as of now...
i hav decided not to let ne1 in my heart nd in my world...
so dat dey dnt take me fr granted...
whatsay...?
i kno im touching old ghisa pita topic...

Seperated..already??!

this pic..... is soooo gothic...punkish maybe....
so cn u tell the differents which is the guy nd which is the gal... there hair r both...long
but neway that nt being the point cz i cn make out the sdfference...
the point is...
its soooo sad!! "THE FEAR OF SEPERATION"
as a frnd of mine put it.... he really know where to find this one....
i live in a society where a couple cnt really live in public...
a certain frnd of mine has the most wonderful bf in a the wrld but that doesnt make up for the imperfections in there relation ship.... he expects too much nd sometimes so does she...
i m the therapist here ...toooo!
u kno the one who cnt make money out of her services.... :D
nd i hav to make them realise dat we libe in INDIA...here u just dnt go out on dates with a guy..hell evn if he is ur frnd its a taboo...only be in a group..... which is sick coz sometimes u hv to share things with a guy who may be ur best buddy if not ur bf...but he comes with a frnd nd u too.....nd u cnt be left alone unless u want it to look like a double date... nd u jus hv a nice time nd dnt share that thing....
SPOKEN FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE....

my councelling session...

over this year that was class ten..... i hav been reputed among my frnds as the most sypathetic frnd of all.... wenevr some one has a problem... they come to me with there problem... nd i mostly act like the therapist i read abt in a novel...saying wats logical nd wat is the truth.....
so like dis totally stranger comes to me.... nd told me he is confused... human instincts made me ask him wats the problem.... how was i to kno wat id get into another delama of yet another perfect stranger.... wont take his name..coz i kno two ppl with same name...dnt want confusions....
so he strtd telling me abt his gf who thinks he is a big flirt cz he toks to grls on orkut...... frankly i also wudnt want my bf tokin to other grls online.... the green monstre jealousy thing...bt dnt evn get me strtd up on how evn havin the thought of a bf is a torture fr me.... so neway he told me he loved dis grl nd gv me her profile link....
yaar comon do u ppl evn kno the meaning of luv.... no i dont....coz i dnt kno wat philosophy to compare certain feelings with... maybe a danielle steel novel or a sidney sheldon revenge.... or maybe someother thing im yet to get my hands on..... nd to make the things more weird...his gf isnt in his frndlist.....weirdo!!!!!
so wen these weird ppl stop coming to me..... with there weird problems...i'll stop with the emanocipation..... saying that i m probably i bad therapist...probably coz i dnt charge 500 bucks per session though granted i dnt provide a comfy black couch nd a jumbo box of cleenex.... but hey i do provide my invaluable advice.... evn in the weirdest scenerio....

guys..cnt live with em cnt kill em..

yea i believe it.... to some extent..
coz i hav come to this conclusion frm my experience dat they jus cnt understand...
the one who do r always old.... one of my best guy frnd is like in his twenties..we hv nevr met but he jus knows me... shokin na....
but weneva i talk to guys my age...they jus dnt get it.. like they cn solve all physics equation nd maths and all the science but they fail to use simpe logic...
look i dnt want to offend neone..but i hv discussed this with evryone(grls)..... and it is a fact...
nd ok exceptions are there..but u kno wat the exceptions r rare.....
like dere is this guy..so totally cute nd all...my class mates had the biggest cush on him.... i nevr found him cute..not that it matters coz although beauty is to be appreciated i hv the most outrageous idea abt beauty so leave me out of it...
neway that guy.. he is a frnd's bestfrnd....
like dat grl nd he are best frnds....nd dey wud make a handosme couple... but suddenly my frnd wants me to like him...
i dnt gt it coz evn though he may be nice nd all... he aint that intelligent... still grls like him..
the fact is soo outta my reach...
i really dnt kno where im gettin to here....
its in my conscious dat im being made to like a cute guy nd i despise him....
weird na?

umm.....

welll....im not so new to this blogging process...
having read many blogs of ppl... nd i also had a blog but i 4gt the name.... followin the lack of free time i hd to mantain it... nd i dnt evn promise to mantian this one...
jus wanna write coz dats wat i do best....next to dreaming.....yea dnt judge me by the way...
i m evr changing....its my life to be rebellious nd sooooo bound to change..... u cud give me ur opinions incase u hv a positive one.. nd if u dnt hav a nice one..den no need cz i cudnt care less...
So this music freak here aint all to entertain u all...jus fr some good reading nd to get ma point across....
like the present topic...
umm.. wats it??
cnt think straight right now...
THATS ALL FOLKS...
cya